Dear Ridley Scott (Or: Why I Should Be Cast as Rachael in the New Blade Runner)
1. My maiden name is RachAel Young. (Please not the capitalized “a”). Sean YOUNG (again, take note bitches) played RachAel in the original film. Coincidence? I think not.
2. I have brown eyes and brown hair. And am, forgive the lack of modesty, one sexy beast with the right makeup and light which I know Hollywood has plenty of.
3. (Spoiler alert!) I too fell in love with a robot
4. I’m getting the origami unicorn tattooed on my body soon
5. (Spoiler alert!) In the film, Rachael realizes all of her childhood memories are false, and just keeps on truckin’; choosing to instead allow herself to have feelings for Deckard and run away with him. HUH, SOUNDS FAMILIAR.
6. My grandmother is obsessed with owls, therefore, I’ve been around them a lot. I even have evidence of this. (I’m sad in this picture because I was just told all of my childhood memories were implanted and I am in fact, a replicant. Oh shit, SPOILER ALERT everyone.)
7. If I don’t pluck my eyebrows for a week I guarantee I can achieve Sean Young status.
8. I can rock the wavy hair, and promise to get it bigger than this: (again, Hollywood hair and makeup magic is gonna work just fine)
So, Ridley Scott, I urge you to take note of these astonishing facts and contact me. I’ll send you my film reel as soon as I make it.
p.s. If you could cast Ryan Gosling as Deckard I would really appreciate it. And a sex scene wouldn’t be totally out of the question there. In fact I really encourage it.
We’ll be in touch!