Don't judge a person by the dreams they have.

Lately life has been weird, but in an ok way. I wouldn’t go so far as to say in a good way, but it’s ok because the weirdness is balanced with some good times. First, we are still on the apartment hunt, unfortunately. I sort of feel like this is going to be a last minute situation which, while it works out fine in the end, doesn’t bode to well for my anxiety.

Speaking of anxiety, as I first spoke about in a couple of posts ago, I have been thinking of seeing my doctor to go on a daily low dose prescription for it before I can start therapy upon moving back to the States. Thoughts? Opinions? Experience? Many people say this doesn’t cure the problem, but I’m not looking for a cure. I’m looking for a temporary fix for the everyday anxiety that I’m experiencing. Why don’t I go see a therapist in Norway, when it’s free? Well, because frankly I feel even with the level of English mostly all Norwegians know, some things need to have the clearest of communication and I don’t want to jeopardize that in such a sensitive and intimate situation. So please, like I said, let me know your experience/opinion/etc. with medication or therapy in a foreign-language-country.

More stuff has been going on… My friend, Dylan, I found was killed a few weeks ago. I received this news the same day the attacks in Oslo happened and have not been able to process/grieve for either of them correctly. I am just now coming to terms with the fact that he, one of the sweetest, most loyal, intelligent people I’ve ever met is now gone due to horrible circumstances. It is my understanding (and I don’t mean to offend any family members or friends here… If I am incorrect PLEASE let me know so I can edit.) that Dylan had gotten into drugs recently and that played a part in his death. I was so angered at first to think that he could allow something so unnecessary take away something as valuable and treasured as his life. I have been dealing with this concept since I was a child and learned that my mother was an addict, and I still don’t understand. I don’t know if I ever will and sometimes thinking about that I get so frustrated I can’t help but break down and cry. If I ever get a large enough platform to stand on, I will use that to somehow, someway change drugs in America. The education, the laws, the availability… anything that can save such capable, good people from losing their lives to such a bullshit waste.

(from here on, this post is probably going to get graphic/personal in terms of sexuality and just plain weirdness. you’ve been forewarned.)

So, because of all this, I’ve been having some pretty fucking crazy ass dreams lately. ALL of which involve REALLY weird sex. (I’m already laughing to myself while I’m writing this… Why in god’s name am I putting this all over the internet, haha?!) Ok, so the first one I had was I was having sex and I look at my partner’s back and there’s egg yolk ALL over him. Runny, slimy, gooey, yellow egg yolk. So, logically, I ignore it and keep having sex. He probably meant for it to be there, right? Right. Then I look at his face and suddenly he opens his mouth and egg yolk pours out all over me. But then we couldn’t finish because two old men walked in the room and we had to hide our nakedness. Then I woke up. WHAT THE FUCK. I went to dreammoods.com to see what their definition of egg yolk meant in a dream: “To see an egg yolk in your dream, represents life, ideas, and creativity.” Um, ok? I’m so full of ideas and creativity I’m having sex with them? My partner is and he’s getting it all over me? This is just getting gross.

The other recurring thing is that I’ll be having sex and someone will walk in, and we stop. Unforuntley, and oddly, dreammoods.com didn’t have a definition for this (that I could find) and I don’t know why I’m having dreams like this. I don’t want them to walk in, and shortly after I wake up. Maybe it’s like an inner alarm clock telling me to stop being a pervert and wake up. Who knows.

And even more generally, WHY am I having sex dreams at all? Also from dreammoods: “To dream about sex, refers to the integration and merging of contrasting aspects of yourself. It represents psychological completion. You need to be more receptive and incorporate aspects of your dream sex partner into your own character. Consider the nature of the love-making. Was it passionate? Was it slow? Was it wild? The sex act parallels aspect of yourself that you wish to express. A more direct interpretation of the dream, may be your libido’s way of telling you that it has been too long since you have had sex. It may indicate repressed sexual desires and your needs for physical and emotional love.”

The only other thing(s) I can connect it with is my libido, which ever since going on birth control at 17, has been totally weird. I have changed pills so many times I lost count because most of them made me lose all sex drive (maybe that’s the birth control part.) The other thing pertaining to that is that I’m not very good about remembering to take my pill… Usually it’s fine but every once in a while I remember and have to take 2 at a time. I know, I suck. But I’ve been talking a lot about this with Alexander and maybe because I’m thinking of birth control in my waking life, it translates to sex in dreams? I have never had this happen so often though. It’s been every night for at least five days.

Well, that was all a lot of fun to get on the table, now I can only hope my dad never reads this post and all of my readers don’t think I’m some kind of nymphomaniac with a fetish for egg yolk.

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